I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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