Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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