everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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