just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
