I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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