At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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