so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
