nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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