i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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