I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
