you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
