if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
