Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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