I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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