I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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