I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
