My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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