I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
