omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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