I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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