I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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