Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
