Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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