I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
