But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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