The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
