I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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