no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
