you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
