so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
