My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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