Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
