ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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