Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
