is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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