its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
