this just has baby written all over it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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