We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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