The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
