All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
