I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
its liver damage thursday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
