Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
