So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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