dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
