Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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