Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
