There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
