He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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