I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
