This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so let's talk penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
