At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
