this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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